Successful decluttering with Children.

Kids these days have so much stuff. The thing is, they’re getting overwhelmed with it- just like we are.

Time and time again, I hear from parents that their child/ren engage more deeply in play AFTER they have decluttered.

Lessen the overwhelm, refresh the space.

So how do you declutter without meltdowns, tantrums or sneaking it out of the house while they’re at school?

It’s much easier and more simple than you think.

Well, sort of.

See, the challenge is for you, as a parent.

As humans, we are naturally influenced by our own upbringing, culture, insecurities, wants and needs. As adults, we automatically hold ‘power’ over children- we have the final say. Generally designed to keep them alive.

Taking this context into account, I want you to challenge yourself to give your child ownership over this process. These items belong to them, and for the most part- we need to let them make the choices as to what goes and what stays.

(I know what you’re thinking- this doesn’t apply to my child, because they’re a little collector of sticks and crap and shiny broken op-shopped toys).

Trust the process, trust your child. When they feel safe and respected; and in ownership of this process, they will declutter what they feel comfortable with. If you try to influence the outcome with your own opinions and judgement- your child is going to feel insecure in the process and want to exert control by keeping everything.

Please, do not do it without them. Children are so much more capable than we give them credit for. You might tell yourself that you are saving yourself the annoyance and the struggle of the decluttering process with them, but deep down- I think you’re just trying to avoid what feels like an extra emotional load. You can do this. Decluttering is a life skill. Let’s normalise it for our children and be brave in supporting them to build up that ability.

If you are the sentimental one- you are absolutely valid in keeping an item or two for yourself. Its not your child’s toy once they have decluttered it. Don’t make them keep it in the toy box for your sake. It now becomes a sentimental item of yours. You can also be brave, and take a photo of it for prosperity then let it go.

Okay, ready to go for it? Lets get started!

Talk to them about it before hand. Get buy-in.

I like to introduce the idea of decluttering by playing to a child’s natural sense of empathy and generosity. I talk about children and families who don’t have many toys to play with; and that we can share the toys that you might not want any more with them.

“Because, you’re growing up, right? Some of the toys you have are from when you were little, and you’re getting big and grown up now, aren’t you!?”

If I am talking to a 4-5 year old I might use the words ‘from when you were a baby’. Older children you can use words like ‘ when you were a little kid’, or ‘younger’.

These words are absolutely emotive. You are strengthening their self esteem by telling them they are generous, they are in control and they are mature.

Even the language of asking them to agree with you is emotive- you’re getting them on side. This isn’t parent vs kids- you’re a team. They are a finely tuned decluttering athlete and you’re their coach!

Once they’re on board- now the process actually begins!

Categorise- You and your child are only going to know what they have, if you bring it all together. for example- Soft toys, vehicles, animals/figurines and dolls, dress-ups, imaginary play items and puzzles. If there is a lot- just work on one category at a time. It will limit everyone’s overwhelm! Honour sticks and handmade items with the same respect that you would any other toy or item. It has value for the child, and we earn their trust by respecting their belongings.

Cull- Ask your child to choose 5 favourites (cars, for example). Put them aside in a pile. (This becomes the keep pile).

Now ask them to choose their least favourite one or two. If they look panicked, assure them that they are not necessarily going to go out, its just their LEAST favourite. Make a separate pile of those. (potential donate). Keep going with the numbers game if it feels right and your child needs that support, or let them go for it if they are happy to make the piles themselves.

If they seem unsure, delay the decision. Make a new pile and say, “we will come back to that one, shall we?” This becomes the ‘maybe’ pile.

Get to the end of the category and you should have two- three piles. Keep, Potential Donate, and Maybe. Broken toys should go in the bin if your child is happy to let it go- otherwise suggest it goes into the ‘maybe’ pile to discuss later.

Gesture to the ‘keep’ pile and give positive feedback about the choices they have made, the ones they really love and play with. Return to the ‘maybe’ pile and ask them to place each item into the corresponding keep/ donate piles.

Now, worst case scenario, your child is still unsure and feeling insecure about the ‘potential donate’ pile. Ask them- “Shall we give these ones to the kids who don’t have many toys? Do you think you’ve kept enough cars over here to be what you need, and we can give these ones away?

They might pull out one or two and tell you to donate the rest. (If they pull back the entire pile, then they’re feeling insecure about letting go at this point, and its probably not worth pushing it).

Make the donation of the goods a positive experience too. Get your child to join you in donating the items to a chosen charity or op shop.

Let me know how this works for you, I would love to have your feedback.