Perfection is a barrier (that will paralyse you).
There’s been a lot of moving lately.
I have worked with clients, and chatted to friends who are preparing to move house, and are decluttering and packing in preparation. Or, they are unpacking, and wondering how to set up their new homes in the most efficient manner. I have done both of these things myself lately too. The one theme I’ve discovered throughout this work and conversation is the paralysis and overwhelm that comes with this process. It is just so overwhelming. So BIG.
I have ADHD- as do many of my clients. I am absolutely immersed in discovering and learning how to create customised function, and hack the systems we use in our homes, and the mindset we use to do so.
What I have discovered when working with many of my clients is the perfectionist mindset. It’s really common in our spicy brains, and honestly probably more often a pain than a useful tool. I know I struggle to leave a job until its ‘perfect’!
“Perfectionism is a form of rigidity. It is a form of black and white thinking, in which grey will just not do. Perfectionism throws us what is often an unattainable goal and tells us that nothing less is acceptable. ”
Good luck with that; throw in some executive functioning challenges and low self- confidence- This is why your house is a mess and you feel ashamed of it.
Now you have understood that about your brain and how that is manifesting in your actions- let’s challenge it.
Lets aim for progress. Not perfection. Lets TRUST ourselves that we can come back to these systems and improve them. Lets trust ourselves that this is not the be all and end all. In the words of Bic runga- “Let’s make a start” (Did you sing that too?). What are you going to do that just moves the needle forward?
I’m really proud of (so many of my clients right now) challenging this. People are decluttering and getting ready to move- they are aiming to pack one box a day, or declutter just one cupboard or category at a time. They are making a start, and understanding that slow and steady is the way to win this race.
One client in particular was paralysed by perfection. In our first virtual sessions, I would make a suggestion, and she would politely but unconsciously challenge it by pointing out why it wouldn’t work- why it wouldn’t be ‘the perfect’ solution. After a few minutes of back and forth, me offering suggestions and her pointing out their shortcomings; She said hopelessly ‘You can see why it is how it is- there's just no solution that will work’; (or something to that effect).
We had a quick chat about how perfectionism was creating a barrier, and that the goal we are aiming for is “better”. I think it really broke down a mental block. During our fourth session together, I heard her say something like “this isn’t permanent, its just here for now until… and “it will do, for now”. I pointed out the mindset change, and how it had manifested in confidence to take action. My wee heart burst with coaching pride!
The other mindset change we can make is to think creatively, and compassionately. Creative thinking is saying “What if…?” and thinking “I can just TRY this, if it doesn’t work- I can tweak it”. It is not the final solution.
I’ve had to practice this as a professional. I used to think that being an expert meant having the solution straight away, but really it is just experience borne of my creativity that gives me solutions. You can do that too. The great inventors throughout history did not create change without a prototype- there’s no expectation that you or I should either!
So, in conclusion- if you feel yourself getting stuck- overwhelmed or paralysed- think compassionately and creatively.
How can I just move the needle forward, even ever so slightly?
I am aiming for progress. Not perfection.
Creative thinking will challenge perfectionism- think “What if I just try this?”
It doesn't have to be the final solution, in fact- it likely won't be.
And that’s okay. Because it is probably better than doing nothing at all.
